I have been writing this post for weeks, one reason being that I have to earn a living the other that I had momentarily lost my Mojo (juice). Being the deep 21st century individual that I am (Thank you, Thank you), I made an attempt to research for this post. I typed into google "when is the right time to get married" and the top two search results were kinda funny. One was from Nairaland the other from the UK Independent. The Nairaland one said that its about 18 onward. The UK Independent one based its write up on the results of some scientific research which said about 28 to 32. Wiki How even has an 11 step process.
When can anyone really say they are ready for
marriage? is it when you have been with the same man for a long time or when
you think your biological clock is ticking or when other people tell you that you
are ready for marriage. What qualities
exactly constitute being ready to commit yourself to one person, forsake all
others and just focus.
There are still men in their late 30s who I
won't qualify as ready for this marriage business, the ones who think that
maybe they just marry the cook/cleaner who is also convenient to have sex with,
while they go out for intellectual and any
other kinds of stimulation, or the woman who thinks that she will just maintain
her life as it is, do everything the way she wants to when she wants to and
then still claim to be wife just to answer the name.
As a girl, I heard all sorts of "horror
stories" about women who men kicked
out of their houses because they couldn't cook. Being able to cook for the
family was always one of the big checks of being married in my head. This was
just one of those paper qualifications you needed to have to have a happy home;
pound yam make soup. voilà ! Happy home. Lies.
Truth is I am not a fan of the kitchen, yes I
can cook but that's because I mean I'll hate to starve I love a pretty kitchen
but I don't spend long there. In this day when we have the out of house express
kitchen, if you can afford it you can have someone else do your cooking and it's
not that expensive. Every week your
family will have food. In a nutshell, if
you know how to use your phone and bank account you are basically a good wife
if food was all it took (unfortunately I still do all my cooking).
Another one you hear is being able to have
children, well there are many women who have kids who are not mothers.
Technically a 13 year old girl who has started her period can have a baby, but
is she wife material? is she a mother material? So having a child does not a wife
make. So it can't really be a measure for being ready to marry.
Having money is not a proper measure either, there are men with
money who will rather die than share
what they have so you can't just step up to a rich man and say, isn't it time
to settle down? There are men with money who don't know that in marriage you
will have to share it.
The only place where you know if you are
ready for marriage is in a marriage. No one can teach you anything and no one
can tell you anything. All those tips and trick are just that. You can't bend
over backwards and be a different person because the truth is, the person you
are now when you get married is not the same person you will be in let's say
15 years you priorities will be different.
So there is no real age for marriage as long
as you are not a child, you can vote and buy alcohol in all countries of the world, you can marry anytime. Just make sure that the most
important tool you have (your mind) is ready for the ride. Remember that all
the people pressuring you to make a choice now, will not be there when you have
and you need to remember you will never be with the tallest person always
someone taller or the sexiest person always someone sexier or the smartest person
always someone smarter, or the richest person unless you are lucky because
there will always be something better.
You need to find someone who you respect, who
you will let win an argument, who you will listen to, who you like, who you can
talk to no matter how you feel, who you will not judge too harshly, who you
will let shine when the spotlight is on them, you won't feel like you need to
compete with and most especially who you can share with and Pray with whether
you are 25 or 100 years old.
This is really insightful,thank you.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you found it helpful.
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