How Old Is Old Enough: Marriage

I have been writing this post for weeks, one reason being that I have to earn a living the other that I had momentarily lost my Mojo (juice). Being the deep 21st century individual that I am (Thank you, Thank you), I made an attempt to research for this post. I typed into google "when is the right time to get married" and the top two search results were kinda funny. One was from  Nairaland the other from the UK Independent. The Nairaland one said that its about 18 onward. The UK Independent one based its write up on the results of some scientific research which said about 28 to 32. Wiki How even has an 11 step process.

                                  

When can anyone really say they are ready for marriage? is it when you have been with the same man for a long time or when you think your biological clock is ticking or when other people tell you that you are ready for marriage.  What qualities exactly constitute being ready to commit yourself to one person, forsake all others and just focus.

There are still men in their late 30s who I won't qualify as ready for this marriage business, the ones who think that maybe they just marry the cook/cleaner who is also convenient to have sex with, while they go out for intellectual and  any other kinds of stimulation, or the woman who thinks that she will just maintain her life as it is, do everything the way she wants to when she wants to and then still claim to be wife just to answer the name.

As a girl, I heard all sorts of "horror stories" about  women who men kicked out of their houses because they couldn't cook. Being able to cook for the family was always one of the big checks of being married in my head. This was just one of those paper qualifications you needed to have to have a happy home; pound yam make soup. voilà! Happy home. Lies.

Truth is I am not a fan of the kitchen, yes I can cook but that's because I mean I'll hate to starve I love a pretty kitchen but I don't spend long there. In this day when we have the out of house express kitchen, if you can afford it you can have someone else do your cooking and it's not that expensive.  Every week your family will have food.  In a nutshell, if you know how to use your phone and bank account you are basically a good wife if food was all it took (unfortunately I still do all my cooking).

Another one you hear is being able to have children, well there are many women who have kids who are not mothers. Technically a 13 year old girl who has started her period can have a baby, but is she wife material? is she a mother material? So having a child does not a wife make. So it can't really be a measure for being ready to marry.

Having money is not a  proper measure either, there are men with money who  will rather die than share what they have so you can't just step up to a rich man and say, isn't it time to settle down? There are men with money who don't know that in marriage you will have to share it.  

The only place where you know if you are ready for marriage is in a marriage. No one can teach you anything and no one can tell you anything. All those tips and trick are just that. You can't bend over backwards and be a different person because the truth is, the person you are now when you get married is not the same person you will be in let's say 15 years you priorities will be different.

So there is no real age for marriage as long as you are not a child, you can vote and buy alcohol in all countries of the world, you can marry anytime. Just make sure that the most important tool you have (your mind) is ready for the ride. Remember that all the people pressuring you to make a choice now, will not be there when you have and you need to remember you will never be with the tallest person always someone taller or the sexiest person always someone sexier or the smartest person always someone smarter, or the richest person unless you are lucky  because there will always be something better. 

You need to find someone who you respect, who you will let win an argument, who you will listen to, who you like, who you can talk to no matter how you feel, who you will not judge too harshly, who you will let shine when the spotlight is on them, you won't feel like you need to compete with and most especially who you can share with and Pray with whether you are 25 or 100 years old.