Let's talk about SEX

I have been on twitter since I woke up. I am currently on holiday so I have the time :) there is a conversation about rape and rape culture is Nigeria but I will go unto that later. Now though I want to talk about one of the 7 wonders of the World: Sex. Good for you if you think it is and wait and see if you think it isn't LOL.

Sex has always had a different sort of connotation in our country always so shrouded in mystery. People don't talk about it, if you talk about it you are bad. First of all let's note that I do not write any blog post that I will not be proud of my daughter reading one day. so I am going to write this post as I will want my child to understand it.

What we need in this world now is not more articles telling us how to have sex, LOL these are useful but somehow, we kind of find that out on our own. What we need are real articles telling us about the ramifications and emotional entanglements of the entire glorious affair, and more reason why we shouldn't take it for granted.

When and where I was growing up, people did not discuss sex freely. If you did you were a bad child or a rotten one. I was a very early learner, one of those people who grew up old. I knew a lot of things I probably shouldn't and this is most likely the case for all children who are blessed to grow up with older siblings. I had millions of those. Love 'em to death. Now, when a child's mind is exposed to these things, they consequently seek answers and solutions luckily, I had people to ask.

I remember when my elder sister explained to me that all humans needed to have sex to make babies. I knew that people had sex but I thought it was for those people in the Hollywood and Nigerian movies, I didn't know that even my parents too had sex. My elder brother got this integrated science mini text books that explained the whole sordid affair lol, and this is when I added two and two together and took to my sister who by the way is only about a yr older and  she was like "yes now, mummy and daddy do it where do you think we come from?" that day my world as I knew it was rocked.

As a child very silly things have the tendency to literarily move the earth out of this galaxy (as you can tell I have a tendency for the dramatic, this has always been the case). Before when my parents kissed it was just a mummy and daddy thing. After that,  every time I saw them kiss I was disappointed, how could they. My Daddy was and has always been my hero but when you are a child it's an impossibly high pedestal  he is on and as a especially as a girl seeing as he never shouted at or beat me. So, when I realised Daddies and Mummies do the sex thing, well I was disappointed to say the least. So they did that thing they won't let us watch on TV?... oh the betrayal!. lol.

From then on, well I had a more open mind and since I am  very curious started reading to fill the gaps. Lucky for me, my Mummy has no filter apparently she was waiting for the right time.

From as long as I could remember, when my mummy gave me a bath she told us the names of our body parts and said if ever anyone touched you in anyway, come and tell mummy don't be afraid they can't do anything and like that I knew that when it came to my body, it was no body's business to touch it. I started my period early (early bloomer) so my mother sat me down and broke down the whole affair on the birds and the bees (it was just plain old sex in my house) so from that age, there was nothing mysterious about sex to me. Nobody could pull me to a corner and promise to show me things that I had never seen because my house was open discuss area. I never felt like my body was a medium for shame.

Come to this day and time, now the internet is teaching our kids all they need to know about their bodies. Our daughters grow up wondering why their bodies do not fit the in-your-face figures they see on tv and social media. All the sex education that is basically run to ruin the child's mind and attitude towards sex, they are learning about having sex and they don't even know what it's about. Their peers on the internet shame them asking if "is it because of Jesus?" questions like their lack of sexual experimentation is a thing to be ashamed of.

This mystery has also lead to the rape culture that has been perpetuated in our society for all this time. I remember when I was like 10 or so I think younger because I stated secondary school very early and this was before secondary school. The family swimming pool we used to go to there in Calabar had alot of people and there was this girl about my age that was talking about how her father's best friend brings her things from all areas of the world and she is his favourite and then he touches her. Even then that story blazed alarm bells in my head ''why is you daddy's friend touching you? have you told your daddy?'' it's a sad story, if that girl had spoken up would anyone have believed her? Maybe if her parents spoke about it with her she would have said "you mean like uncle so and so touches me?" and that would have ended the man's game.

This story has stuck with me. Then it was like something to hear and forget, now it makes me wonder how that little girl fared and so on. People think that these things have no effect on the child, but it does because sex is not just an act it was never intended to be just an act. It was meant to create a bond and then aid in reproduction. it's made to nurture an affirm (this is why some women get validation from sex) , that's why the whole world is messed up so bad (of course there is war, and natural disaster to contend with). We have lost touch, its now basically a thing to feel, forget and move on.

Acting as if sex is a thing of the shadowy and dark areas  is only going to make the work of the perverts in the world easier. If our children knew that there is no shame with mummy and daddy, they are precious and their temples are sacred, then maybe it will be more difficult for someone to exchange your child's  youth and innocence for some candy.

As for rape whether of older and younger men and women, there is no excuse. Both our sons and daughters are at risk, nothing should be trivialized or taken for granted we have lost that luxury the human heart is very wicked. Let's not apologise for rape. NO is NO, we should also teach our daughters not to put themselves in these situations like my friend says "they don't write rapist on the forehead". As long as you don't know someone you are always probably at risk, thinking about the very dangerous situations we put ourselves into, like going to a new guys house and sleeping and he rapes you. It is your right to report it. The shame for the women is that they feel that they have brought it on themselves but NO is NO never trivialise a person's NO.

We need to also teach men that a women's body is not to be taken for granted. It is her right, not your right. For you to take anything consent has to be given and when I say consent I mean informed consent has to be given.

Let's talk about SEX let's not act like if we close our eyes and count to 10 all these problems will go away, your baby girl is probably not going to find out about sex from her husband. The internet is not going to melt anytime soon(forget what all these post apocalyptic Hollywood movies have told you). What it is going to do is ingratiate itself more and more into our children's lives. Let's take the control back and teach them early. To respect others and to expect respect from others.

XO

please bear with the mistakes and typos.