I have been on twitter since I woke up. I am
currently on holiday so I have the time :) there is a conversation about rape and
rape culture is Nigeria but I will go unto that later. Now though I want to
talk about one of the 7 wonders of the World: Sex. Good for you if you
think it is and wait and see if you think it isn't LOL.
Sex has always had a different sort of connotation
in our country always so shrouded in mystery. People don't talk about it, if
you talk about it you are bad. First of all let's note that I do not write any
blog post that I will not be proud of my daughter reading one day. so I am
going to write this post as I will want my child to understand it.
What we need in this world now is not more
articles telling us how to have sex, LOL these are useful but somehow, we kind
of find that out on our own. What we need are real articles telling us about
the ramifications and emotional entanglements of the entire glorious affair, and
more reason why we shouldn't take it for granted.
When and where I was growing up, people did
not discuss sex freely. If you did you were a bad child or a rotten one. I was
a very early learner, one of those people who grew up old. I knew a lot of
things I probably shouldn't and this is most likely the case for all children
who are blessed to grow up with older siblings. I had millions of those. Love 'em
to death. Now, when a child's mind is exposed to these things, they
consequently seek answers and solutions luckily, I had people to ask.
I remember when my elder sister explained to
me that all humans needed to have sex to make babies. I knew that people had
sex but I thought it was for those people in the Hollywood and Nigerian movies,
I didn't know that even my parents too had sex. My elder brother got this integrated
science mini text books that explained the whole sordid affair lol, and this is
when I added two and two together and took to my sister who by the way is only
about a yr older and she was like
"yes now, mummy and daddy do it where do you think we come from?"
that day my world as I knew it was rocked.
As a child very silly things have the
tendency to literarily move the earth out of this galaxy (as you can tell I
have a tendency for the dramatic, this has always been the case). Before when
my parents kissed it was just a mummy and daddy thing. After that, every time I saw them kiss I was disappointed,
how could they. My Daddy was and has always been my hero but when you are a
child it's an impossibly high pedestal he is on and as a especially as a girl seeing
as he never shouted at or beat me. So, when I realised Daddies and Mummies do
the sex thing, well I was disappointed to say the least. So they did that thing
they won't let us watch on TV?... oh the betrayal!. lol.
From then on, well I had a more open mind and
since I am very curious started reading
to fill the gaps. Lucky for me, my Mummy has no filter apparently she was
waiting for the right time.
From as long as I could remember, when my
mummy gave me a bath she told us the names of our body parts and said if ever
anyone touched you in anyway, come and tell mummy don't be afraid they can't do
anything and like that I knew that when it came to my body, it was no body's
business to touch it. I started my period early (early bloomer) so my mother
sat me down and broke down the whole affair on the birds and the bees (it was
just plain old sex in my house) so from that age, there was nothing mysterious
about sex to me. Nobody could pull me to a corner and promise to show me things
that I had never seen because my house was open discuss area. I never felt like
my body was a medium for shame.
Come to this day and time, now the internet
is teaching our kids all they need to know about their bodies. Our daughters
grow up wondering why their bodies do not fit the in-your-face figures they see
on tv and social media. All the sex education that is basically run to ruin the
child's mind and attitude towards sex, they are learning about having sex and
they don't even know what it's about. Their peers on the internet shame them
asking if "is it because of Jesus?" questions like their lack of
sexual experimentation is a thing to be ashamed of.
This mystery has also lead to the rape
culture that has been perpetuated in our society for all this time. I remember when
I was like 10 or so I think younger because I stated secondary school very
early and this was before secondary school. The family swimming pool we used to
go to there in Calabar had alot of people and there was this girl about my age that
was talking about how her father's best friend brings her things from all areas
of the world and she is his favourite and then he touches her. Even then that
story blazed alarm bells in my head ''why is you daddy's friend touching you?
have you told your daddy?'' it's a sad story, if that girl had spoken up would
anyone have believed her? Maybe if her parents spoke about it with her she
would have said "you mean like uncle so and so touches me?" and that
would have ended the man's game.
This story has stuck with me. Then it was
like something to hear and forget, now it makes me wonder how that little girl
fared and so on. People think that these things have no effect on the child,
but it does because sex is not just an act it was never intended to be just an
act. It was meant to create a bond and then aid in reproduction. it's made to nurture
an affirm (this is why some women get validation from sex) , that's why the
whole world is messed up so bad (of course there is war, and natural disaster
to contend with). We have lost touch, its now basically a thing to feel, forget
and move on.
Acting as if sex is a thing of the shadowy and
dark areas is only going to make the
work of the perverts in the world easier. If our children knew that there is no
shame with mummy and daddy, they are precious and their temples are sacred, then
maybe it will be more difficult for someone to exchange your child's youth and innocence for some candy.
As for rape whether of older and younger men
and women, there is no excuse. Both our sons and daughters are at risk, nothing
should be trivialized or taken for granted we have lost that luxury the human
heart is very wicked. Let's not apologise for rape. NO is NO, we should also
teach our daughters not to put themselves in these situations like my friend
says "they don't write rapist on the forehead". As long as you don't
know someone you are always probably at risk, thinking about the very dangerous
situations we put ourselves into, like going to a new guys house and sleeping
and he rapes you. It is your right to report it. The shame for the women is
that they feel that they have brought it on themselves but NO is NO never trivialise
a person's NO.
We need to also teach men that a women's body
is not to be taken for granted. It is her right, not your right. For you to take
anything consent has to be given and when I say consent I mean informed consent
has to be given.
Let's talk about SEX let's not act like if we
close our eyes and count to 10 all these problems will go away, your baby girl is
probably not going to find out about sex from her husband. The internet is not
going to melt anytime soon(forget what all these post apocalyptic Hollywood
movies have told you). What it is going to do is ingratiate itself more and
more into our children's lives. Let's take the control back and teach them
early. To respect others and to expect respect from others.
XO
please bear with the mistakes and typos.
Nice one Koyona!
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteBeautiful piece koyona
ReplyDeleteThank you
Delete