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DADDY ISSUES




I sit in his lap as he tells me why he thinks I am the most beautiful girl in the world. We go out to do stuff to together with me taking premium seats better than those my millions of brothers get. I am both queen and princess here in his castle. I am entitled to his love his care and his attention, that's what makes me. So can you blame me when no man measures up? because nobody can make me the idol I think I am, the centre of his world just like my Daddy... Me and my Daddy Issues 

I watch him as he drives away leaving her crying. I try to console her and she does try to be strong for me, but my hugs are ice where his were fire. She can't help herself as she sobs at night because he is gone. When I speak to him on the phone  he dances around the issue but not even I can make him come back so she can smile again.
He has another family now a place where he calls home. Another little girl who is the world to him. I am the dregs of the forgotten trying to mend this heart and hers because he was meant to be my protector but he isn't here. So we can't trust and we protect ourselves because everybody goes away, I break your heart so you don't break mine because of me and my Daddy Issues 

It's always been me and her no one but just the 2 of us. Our world was always us. We tried to fill the void with Fredrick, Musa, Greg, John and even Linus, Julian, Ekong but no one  could be daddy and the faster they came the faster they left taking bits of us as they went. Her cracks were growing but I thought I had a chance to be better and even tired to tread the line, but the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. I knew as I went for Tom to Dick to Harry. Trying to fill what I never knew; me and my Daddy Issues.

‘Woman know thy self’, daddy always said. He taught me to be strong to be a fighter like him. He wanted a boy but I was all he got so he made me a version he could live with. Now I fight I conquer and I chase because I don't understand what it means to want what you cannot have. Daddy's little perfectionist is how I will always be as I stand here and look on just me and my Daddy Issues.

I see how dead she looks in her eyes as he makes another promise he knows he won't keep. He begs and begs and she shrugs allowing herself to again partake in his ploys.  She loves  her  handsome big liar, but he is her world what can she do. He promises to bring back the light to her world, not to hit her again, not to cheat, not to raise his voice  but we know these are frantic things he says to get us to fit his mold. So now I know all men are scum because that's what daddy taught me. The wisdom in my Daddy Issues.

 He had 4 to love and he added a 5th. I never saw him and he never really existed to me.  Of course I expect that I will be a number in another man's belt, with my love and children traded in and scheduled by weeks.  The craziness of me and my Daddy Issues 

A father is a girl's first love affair. If she is lucky he teaches her worth, if she is not he breaks her down so bad that she thinks she is worthless to even herself.

How much of your life story is being told by how you were treated by another human being? Daddy was there or Daddy wasn't there. These are things that have formed and moulded most of us - consciously or unconsciously. I know there are women who have moved on and found themselves amongst all the craziness and good for them.

Maybe he treated you like a queen, maybe he didn't. Maybe he was there, maybe he wasn't. If you have or had a great father love him and let him know, if you didn't let it go, for your sake most especially. You may find someone who treats you like your father, or you may find someone who treats you even better. Your father loved you so that  you fend for and love yourself. Seek validation from God, just in case you are still waiting around for another human to validate you.

This is to all the girls now, and to all the girls that used to be, this is in celebration of you and what you can and have become.


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