Thank you all for reading even
when I haven't posted as often as I should. These past few weeks have been an
adjustment.
In Nigeria, the idea of a stay at
home dad or house husband is a subject that should not even be discussed in
public.
Personally, I don't even know how
I feel about the concept of my going to work every day and my husband stays at
home to raise our daughter.
I don't even want to get into first, the confusion, then outrage, as people
watch and encounter our 22nd century love unfold (because that's how they will
refer to it.)
I have heard of real life cases
like this but very few. Even in what we consider very advanced societies people
still have the expectations that the man
provides and the woman takes a slower or maybe less tasking role so she can
nurture and raise the family and the children.
These are the roles we were
brought up with as children and have come to expect as adults. There is the
exception of those who grew up with a single mother, they were used to watching their mother fill
multiple shoes as provider, nurturer and supporter.
Most,
(I place emphasis on Most because I don't mean all), Nigerian kids around my age had
mothers who were teachers, civil servants and nurses, jobs that were thought to
be less tasking (as If) or they owned a
small cooking or tailoring business so they could be available to their
families. However, I knew some kids whose mothers' were directors on
boards and doctors but these professions
were mostly male dominated then.
I do believe it is possible for a
woman to work at any job in what every profession and raise her children, this
is not my point of discussion what I am trying to get at is if it is possible
for us in this country with the way we think to ever be comfortable with a man
that stays at home and a woman that goes to work? Is there really a difference
in your child if your child is raised by the woman mostly or the man. And is it
possible for men in our society to willingly take on a job like that
without somehow viewing it as emasculating?
I have a friend who just moved into a new apartment in
Abuja. She works a regular 9 to 5 Job in some firm, her husband on the other
hand is away a lot on work and is home about 10 to 14 days every month. So one
time when he was around the mother of one of their neighbours was around and
she noticed the dynamics, the going and coming of the couple (old people see
everything, old people that have nothing to do notice flies sneeze sef). One
Friday evening she happened on my friend in her parking lot and the following
conversation took place;
Friend: Good evening Ma, how is your weekend? Hope you
are enjoying Abuja.
Nosy Neighbour: My daughter good evening oh. How are
you? Abuja is fine
Friend: Okay ma
I am fine
Nosy Neighbour: Ehn how is your husband my dear? I see
he is inside, is he sick?
Friend : [Gives confused laughter] Ermmm... No ma he
is fine.
Nosy Neighbour:
ahh, I see as he didn't go to work this week I thought he was sick I was
worried for you, I was telling my daughter let us come and bring you pepper
soup as you are so busy with work.
Friend: We are
fine Ma thank you. [ hurriedly runs inside her house]
Somehow, the woman didn't only bash the husband for
being in the house and doing nothing, she also was okay with insinuating that
the working woman will not be able to take care of her sick husband because she
is so busy working.
This was a situation of
misunderstanding what her eyes saw but just imagine if it was the real
situation at home, of course she would have felt the need to explain (or not, I
know I wouldn't).
A stay at home dad will wake up and prep the
kids for school while his wife preps for work and takes the kids to school.
Comes home gets things ready for lunch and attends all the PTA meetings set out
for the parents and updates his wife. Stays put while his wife travels around
the country conquering boardrooms. She comes home as asks how the child got one
injury or the other and why so and so food stuff is finished in the store lol.
I think first we should ask if a
Nigerian woman will want a man who will be willing to do this for
her and how long she will be comfortable with the arrangement? I don't know if
we are ready yet. Like I said I have no idea what my personal feelings on this
matter are. I'll love to see what you all think.
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