Skip to main content

Reversing Gender Roles, Are We Sure We Are Ready?


Thank you all for reading even when I haven't posted as often as I should. These past few weeks have been an adjustment. 

In Nigeria, the idea of a stay at home dad or house husband is a subject that should not even be discussed in public.
Personally, I don't even know how I feel about the concept of my going to work every day and my husband stays at home to raise our daughter.
I don't even want to get into first, the confusion, then outrage, as people watch and encounter our 22nd century love unfold (because that's how they will refer to it.)
I have heard of real life cases like this but very few. Even in what we consider very advanced societies people still have the expectations that  the man provides and the woman takes a slower or maybe less tasking role so she can nurture and raise the family and the children. 
These are the roles we were brought up with as children and have come to expect as adults. There is the exception of those who grew up with a single mother, they  were used to watching their mother fill multiple shoes as provider, nurturer and supporter.

Most, (I place emphasis on Most because I don't mean all), Nigerian kids around my age had mothers who were teachers, civil servants and nurses, jobs that were thought to be less tasking (as If)  or they owned a small cooking or tailoring business so they could be available to their families. However, I knew some kids whose mothers' were directors on boards  and doctors but these professions were mostly male dominated then.

I do believe it is possible for a woman to work at any job in what every profession and raise her children, this is not my point of discussion what I am trying to get at is if it is possible for us in this country with the way we think to ever be comfortable with a man that stays at home and a woman that goes to work? Is there really a difference in your child if your child is raised by the woman mostly or the man. And is it possible for men in our society  to willingly take on a job like that without somehow viewing it as emasculating? 

I have a friend who just moved into a new apartment in Abuja. She works a regular 9 to 5 Job in some firm, her husband on the other hand is away a lot on work and is home about 10 to 14 days every month. So one time when he was around the mother of one of their neighbours was around and she noticed the dynamics, the going and coming of the couple (old people see everything, old people that have nothing to do notice flies sneeze sef). One Friday evening she happened on my friend in her parking lot and the following conversation took place;

Friend: Good evening Ma, how is your weekend? Hope you are enjoying Abuja.

Nosy Neighbour: My daughter good evening oh. How are you? Abuja is fine

Friend:  Okay ma I am fine

Nosy Neighbour: Ehn how is your husband my dear? I see he is inside, is he sick?

Friend : [Gives confused laughter] Ermmm... No ma he is fine.

Nosy Neighbour:  ahh, I see as he didn't go to work this week I thought he was sick I was worried for you, I was telling my daughter let us come and bring you pepper soup as you are so busy with work.

Friend:  We are fine Ma thank you. [ hurriedly runs inside her house]

Somehow, the woman didn't only bash the husband for being in the house and doing nothing, she also was okay with insinuating that the working woman will not be able to take care of her sick husband because she is so busy working.
This was a situation of misunderstanding what her eyes saw but just imagine if it was the real situation at home, of course she would have felt the need to explain (or not, I know I wouldn't).

 A stay at home dad will wake up and prep the kids for school while his wife preps for work and takes the kids to school. Comes home gets things ready for lunch and attends all the PTA meetings set out for the parents and updates his wife. Stays put while his wife travels around the country conquering boardrooms. She comes home as asks how the child got one injury or the other and why so and so food stuff is finished in the store lol. 

I think first we should ask if a Nigerian woman   will want a man who will be willing to do this for her and how long she will be comfortable with the arrangement? I don't know if we are ready yet. Like I said I have no idea what my personal feelings on this matter are. I'll love to see what you all think.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Care Too Damn Much

I care too damn much At some point in your life, you come to figure out that growing up and growing old happens to be 2 different things. Growing up is much more mental that it's physical and it's not restricted to age brackets, growing old however is. Here are a few things I have stumbled on about me while struggling to grow up I actually do care (sadly a bit too much.) I have read a few self-help books on how to live a life of no qualms but I happen to be one of those people who does care. I give a s*@$ about the person who will use the public toilet after me and I give a care about the person who will clean it so I don't leave a mess behind. I  care about the people who I will talk to during the day so it makes me brush my teeth and I do in fact care a lot to have a bath so that I don’t kill the people I meet with bad odours. I care about my friends so much so that I pray for them and I reach out when I can but most importantly even while  I can't I make...

WHO WANTS TO BE A POLITICIAN

You want to be a politician? Step right up… Sola wants to be governor of her state one day but Sola has no money to support a dream like that especially since Sola is also the Primary provider for her whole family. Sola works 2 jobs but she is driven,  has a plan and based on her experience working in her community she creates a worksheet on how to send more children to school without bankrupting the local government, a plan to increase farm yields and stop herders from trampling the crops of the villagers. She starts working for her LGA council and one day she takes her plan to her boss to show him and explain how she wants to implement her plans. After he finishes giving her a lecture on the inexperience of her youth, he proceeds to tell her the long line of men she has to sleep with or pay first for such a dream to come true. The fact that the President passed a bill does not change her situation, there are still older and wealthier men and women who want thi...

Dear Mr President

Dear Mr President, The other day, doing what young people do, I picked up my phone and read a statement from you. The one in the above quote. Sadly, I wasn't surprised because I realized what most of the young people in Nigeria did not realize, that your main job is to appear more to the outside world than to us that you have tackled our issues and found us wanting because if you don't we obviously cannot get money out of them. But as a curious cat that I am I have a few simple questions, please take your time to answer: Which youth are you talking about exactly? The ones who are queuing up in the streets every day looking for work? The ones migrating from rural areas in search for a better life for their families? Or is it the idealistic ones that return to this country with big dreams of making a better country and are told to chill “. Are you not Nigerian?" The ones who seek an opportunity to get better and be entrepreneurs in the absence o...