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Reversing Gender Roles, Are We Sure We Are Ready?


Thank you all for reading even when I haven't posted as often as I should. These past few weeks have been an adjustment. 

In Nigeria, the idea of a stay at home dad or house husband is a subject that should not even be discussed in public.
Personally, I don't even know how I feel about the concept of my going to work every day and my husband stays at home to raise our daughter.
I don't even want to get into first, the confusion, then outrage, as people watch and encounter our 22nd century love unfold (because that's how they will refer to it.)
I have heard of real life cases like this but very few. Even in what we consider very advanced societies people still have the expectations that  the man provides and the woman takes a slower or maybe less tasking role so she can nurture and raise the family and the children. 
These are the roles we were brought up with as children and have come to expect as adults. There is the exception of those who grew up with a single mother, they  were used to watching their mother fill multiple shoes as provider, nurturer and supporter.

Most, (I place emphasis on Most because I don't mean all), Nigerian kids around my age had mothers who were teachers, civil servants and nurses, jobs that were thought to be less tasking (as If)  or they owned a small cooking or tailoring business so they could be available to their families. However, I knew some kids whose mothers' were directors on boards  and doctors but these professions were mostly male dominated then.

I do believe it is possible for a woman to work at any job in what every profession and raise her children, this is not my point of discussion what I am trying to get at is if it is possible for us in this country with the way we think to ever be comfortable with a man that stays at home and a woman that goes to work? Is there really a difference in your child if your child is raised by the woman mostly or the man. And is it possible for men in our society  to willingly take on a job like that without somehow viewing it as emasculating? 

I have a friend who just moved into a new apartment in Abuja. She works a regular 9 to 5 Job in some firm, her husband on the other hand is away a lot on work and is home about 10 to 14 days every month. So one time when he was around the mother of one of their neighbours was around and she noticed the dynamics, the going and coming of the couple (old people see everything, old people that have nothing to do notice flies sneeze sef). One Friday evening she happened on my friend in her parking lot and the following conversation took place;

Friend: Good evening Ma, how is your weekend? Hope you are enjoying Abuja.

Nosy Neighbour: My daughter good evening oh. How are you? Abuja is fine

Friend:  Okay ma I am fine

Nosy Neighbour: Ehn how is your husband my dear? I see he is inside, is he sick?

Friend : [Gives confused laughter] Ermmm... No ma he is fine.

Nosy Neighbour:  ahh, I see as he didn't go to work this week I thought he was sick I was worried for you, I was telling my daughter let us come and bring you pepper soup as you are so busy with work.

Friend:  We are fine Ma thank you. [ hurriedly runs inside her house]

Somehow, the woman didn't only bash the husband for being in the house and doing nothing, she also was okay with insinuating that the working woman will not be able to take care of her sick husband because she is so busy working.
This was a situation of misunderstanding what her eyes saw but just imagine if it was the real situation at home, of course she would have felt the need to explain (or not, I know I wouldn't).

 A stay at home dad will wake up and prep the kids for school while his wife preps for work and takes the kids to school. Comes home gets things ready for lunch and attends all the PTA meetings set out for the parents and updates his wife. Stays put while his wife travels around the country conquering boardrooms. She comes home as asks how the child got one injury or the other and why so and so food stuff is finished in the store lol. 

I think first we should ask if a Nigerian woman   will want a man who will be willing to do this for her and how long she will be comfortable with the arrangement? I don't know if we are ready yet. Like I said I have no idea what my personal feelings on this matter are. I'll love to see what you all think.


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