I Care Too Damn Much

I care too damn much

At some point in your life, you come to figure out that growing up and growing old happens to be 2 different things.
Growing up is much more mental that it's physical and it's not restricted to age brackets, growing old however is.

Here are a few things I have stumbled on about me while struggling to grow up

I actually do care (sadly a bit too much.)

I have read a few self-help books on how to live a life of no qualms but I happen to be one of those people who does care.
I give a s*@$ about the person who will use the public toilet after me and I give a care about the person who will clean it so I don't leave a mess behind.
I  care about the people who I will talk to during the day so it makes me brush my teeth and I do in fact care a lot to have a bath so that I don’t kill the people I meet with bad odours.
I care about my friends so much so that I pray for them and I reach out when I can but most importantly even while  I can't I make sure that when I do see them I make it count. I am a s@*$ giver.

I like food. 
As long as I can remember I have spent quite a lot of time trying to condition myself into believing that I don’t really like food that much.  Sadly I have come to the realisation that I am in fact a foodie. I try but it just is. I still try to live a healthy and balanced life but food brings me so much joy... #foodie

I don't really like the company of people.
I meet them and I happen to talk a lot but give me a notebook a pen and my mind and I am in my happy place. Novels and music help too. #loner

I am a change bringer:
Whether I like it or not, it may not be positive but I sure as heck do change stuff a lot. #change

I am an optimist :
all my life I allowed people to make the reality I see, make me believe that I was all about the negatives but I really am an optimist. I see the good in others and I refuse to let you deflect your hurt from another person to myself. Because someone hurt you doesn't mean they will hurt me. I have been burnt by this process many times but hey that's my lane right? #positivitycentral

I am in love with Jesus.
He is my purpose and my cause and my aspiration. I am not perfect in fact I am exceedingly flawed.  I owe no one an explanation for this and I know he loves me right back. #Jesus

I am a hopeless romantic.

I love love. I read a lot of romance novels and I really celebrate this about myself as far as I am concerned, I can enter as many love stories triangles and embracing situations in the course of my life. #romantic

I will keep trying.

I realise I have failed at many things but that doesn't mean I haven't excelled at many so I will keep trying to learn, to be better to do better to improve to be authentic I will keep trying to be me unequivocally undoubtedly me. #Authentic

I have learnt that as much as I try, I use too many swear words for a grown up.

On that note, while you definitely shouldn't care about what other people say about you, you need to care for yourself enough to tell yourself the hard things. You also need to care for the people around you as it shows a modicrum of humanity. 

Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR and here is to trying to actually write more. I hope I get it right this time.

xoxo.