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IDENTITY CRISIS

Photo by Liam Seskis on Unsplash


A song has been playing in my head all week it's: Even If by Mercy Me

The words are:

...I know you're able
and I know you can
Save through the fire
with your mighty hand
But even if you don't
My hope is you alone...

These words I try to say and internalize because I, like most of us, have turned God into a genie in our lives.

I am constantly saying  'Lord I want',  'Lord I need' 'Lord please' and when I don't get what it is I want  I tend to wonder, maybe I am not good enough, maybe I didn't give to the poor enough maybe I wasn't kind to my neighbour enough and because of this God is not giving me what I want. So I figure that if I fix that God will fix this you know like tit for tat.
I realized my error when like an avalanche I heard this song and I was like wow how can I say it is well when it is not well.

My knees are black from praying, my pocket empty from giving and still my prayer has not been answered. Like a genie, I figured if I just rub the lamp softly and ask in a certain way with feet stamping and covered head bopping to the tune of 'fire fire fire'. My Genie will come through. So there is no peace, no joy, no happiness and when he doesn't do what I want when I want it.
God has been good to me, he has given me things and taken me places that even I had not imagined, he answers my prayers without ceremony God just comes through but am I happy? Am I not asking for another thing the next minute?
The whole point of life is to be able to find contentment and joy that is beyond your circumstances. So no matter the situation you can just say, 'Lord, I am sad and overwhelmed but as long as you've got me it is well'.

If you are not like me and you are happy regardless of anything, I mean; really joyful, deep in the soul know it in my heart kind of joy, not the post on Instagram #joy but dataless without an audience to applaud joy, then please share how you do it so the rest of us will learn to live in Joy that stems straight from the source.

Till then;
God when you choose to leave mountains unmovable, give me the strength to say it is well with my soul. - Mercy Me (Even If).


xoxo
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