Skip to main content

Mama or Bestie?


Is it my responsibility as a mother to be friends maybe even best friends with my child? I have noticed that some parents try more to be friends with their children and in the process neglect being parents. 

What's the difference between a parent and a friend in the strictest sense of the word. 

A friend is someone who most likely smokes shit with you, you have similar if not the same goals. Most likely if its real friendship you cover up each other's messes and you are honest so basically if one gets caught, the other will be right beside them or maybe be the emergency contact to bail them out. You make similar silly mistakes andget wise together

A parent on the other hand is one who in the biological sense brings you into the world. In the normal sense it's their responsibility to provide for, teach and guide you so you are of some use to the world. If they are there for you to talk to and can afford periodically to buy you candy, sit with you when you are ill and give the school bullies side eye on your behalf you are then superiorly fortunate. They of course have to provide shelter so that you don't get eaten up by wild animals and to repress their animal instincts not to eat you up themselves (because you are the cutest and other stories). If they tick all these boxes Voila! You have a parent . 

Growing up, my parents made it abundantly clear that it was not their responsibility to be my besties , thus I could not use slangs around them, I spoke The Queens English 
( or my version of it) in their presence. I came home with good marks, and I bloody well kept the curfew, which I thought was totally ridiculous (4pm, like seriously and this was on weekends oh). In return, I was provided with a stream of unearned income which I figured was my right, I was entitled to not die of sickness and to eat adequately enough though I was marginally bulimic at some point (story for another day). I was also very seriously protected from pedophiles (I had a very careful mother).
Mama or Bestie?
Now, there is a shift towards friendship, my daughter keeps reminding me that I am her best friend ( this is only when I am doing exactly what she wants or I am about to) and I, like my dear mother, keep trying to inform her that I am not her bestie but her mummy and these are two very different things. 

My question though is doesn't this divide make it harder for your child to talk to you about issues that bother them? I may willingly discuss boyfriends because lets be serious, boys happen, but you will not be partaking in regular partying or sleep overs (not gonna happen). 

I just want to thread that line like the “G” I am at everything else. I refuse to fail at being there for my children and if I go through the body distorting process of bringing you into this world you have to damn well be rest assured that I have got your back. Just like my mum, who of course did not get any appreciation till I started having kids, I want to be there but I also what to instil the kind of respect I give my parents.

So my question sill remains, Mama or Bestie and if you know how to be both please share below.


xo

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Care Too Damn Much

I care too damn much At some point in your life, you come to figure out that growing up and growing old happens to be 2 different things. Growing up is much more mental that it's physical and it's not restricted to age brackets, growing old however is. Here are a few things I have stumbled on about me while struggling to grow up I actually do care (sadly a bit too much.) I have read a few self-help books on how to live a life of no qualms but I happen to be one of those people who does care. I give a s*@$ about the person who will use the public toilet after me and I give a care about the person who will clean it so I don't leave a mess behind. I  care about the people who I will talk to during the day so it makes me brush my teeth and I do in fact care a lot to have a bath so that I don’t kill the people I meet with bad odours. I care about my friends so much so that I pray for them and I reach out when I can but most importantly even while  I can't I make...

WHO WANTS TO BE A POLITICIAN

You want to be a politician? Step right up… Sola wants to be governor of her state one day but Sola has no money to support a dream like that especially since Sola is also the Primary provider for her whole family. Sola works 2 jobs but she is driven,  has a plan and based on her experience working in her community she creates a worksheet on how to send more children to school without bankrupting the local government, a plan to increase farm yields and stop herders from trampling the crops of the villagers. She starts working for her LGA council and one day she takes her plan to her boss to show him and explain how she wants to implement her plans. After he finishes giving her a lecture on the inexperience of her youth, he proceeds to tell her the long line of men she has to sleep with or pay first for such a dream to come true. The fact that the President passed a bill does not change her situation, there are still older and wealthier men and women who want thi...

Dear Mr President

Dear Mr President, The other day, doing what young people do, I picked up my phone and read a statement from you. The one in the above quote. Sadly, I wasn't surprised because I realized what most of the young people in Nigeria did not realize, that your main job is to appear more to the outside world than to us that you have tackled our issues and found us wanting because if you don't we obviously cannot get money out of them. But as a curious cat that I am I have a few simple questions, please take your time to answer: Which youth are you talking about exactly? The ones who are queuing up in the streets every day looking for work? The ones migrating from rural areas in search for a better life for their families? Or is it the idealistic ones that return to this country with big dreams of making a better country and are told to chill “. Are you not Nigerian?" The ones who seek an opportunity to get better and be entrepreneurs in the absence o...