Skip to main content

Mama or Bestie?


Is it my responsibility as a mother to be friends maybe even best friends with my child? I have noticed that some parents try more to be friends with their children and in the process neglect being parents. 

What's the difference between a parent and a friend in the strictest sense of the word. 

A friend is someone who most likely smokes shit with you, you have similar if not the same goals. Most likely if its real friendship you cover up each other's messes and you are honest so basically if one gets caught, the other will be right beside them or maybe be the emergency contact to bail them out. You make similar silly mistakes andget wise together

A parent on the other hand is one who in the biological sense brings you into the world. In the normal sense it's their responsibility to provide for, teach and guide you so you are of some use to the world. If they are there for you to talk to and can afford periodically to buy you candy, sit with you when you are ill and give the school bullies side eye on your behalf you are then superiorly fortunate. They of course have to provide shelter so that you don't get eaten up by wild animals and to repress their animal instincts not to eat you up themselves (because you are the cutest and other stories). If they tick all these boxes Voila! You have a parent . 

Growing up, my parents made it abundantly clear that it was not their responsibility to be my besties , thus I could not use slangs around them, I spoke The Queens English 
( or my version of it) in their presence. I came home with good marks, and I bloody well kept the curfew, which I thought was totally ridiculous (4pm, like seriously and this was on weekends oh). In return, I was provided with a stream of unearned income which I figured was my right, I was entitled to not die of sickness and to eat adequately enough though I was marginally bulimic at some point (story for another day). I was also very seriously protected from pedophiles (I had a very careful mother).
Mama or Bestie?
Now, there is a shift towards friendship, my daughter keeps reminding me that I am her best friend ( this is only when I am doing exactly what she wants or I am about to) and I, like my dear mother, keep trying to inform her that I am not her bestie but her mummy and these are two very different things. 

My question though is doesn't this divide make it harder for your child to talk to you about issues that bother them? I may willingly discuss boyfriends because lets be serious, boys happen, but you will not be partaking in regular partying or sleep overs (not gonna happen). 

I just want to thread that line like the “G” I am at everything else. I refuse to fail at being there for my children and if I go through the body distorting process of bringing you into this world you have to damn well be rest assured that I have got your back. Just like my mum, who of course did not get any appreciation till I started having kids, I want to be there but I also what to instil the kind of respect I give my parents.

So my question sill remains, Mama or Bestie and if you know how to be both please share below.


xo

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Killing of the Virtuous Woman

(Unchained Part 1) This is where she died. The virtuous woman. She started early with one kid on her back and the other one pinned to her side. Going up a hill with a bucket of water while he still slept... Back pain killed her. No appetite after cooking food for you and you and you, too tired to laugh or eat or take part in the conversation… Complacency killed her They said to make something of yourself. She had no time; home had to be perfect she said my home is the reflection of who I am… Aimlessness killed her. She began late with the clothes washing and the floor scrubbing while watching the brood she had to split to bare. Because of love, she held nothing back... She moved on to the bedroom where she had to be your love, your whore, your dream for 5 minutes and yet you found flaws, but she smiled and moved on with it… Selflessness killed her. This is where she died the love of your life, of heartbreak when she heard you had room in your heart f...

The Nigerian Factor

You are sitting in your house minding your business, the Electricity providers, truck passes by, you are not worried, they back up and stop at your house gate and try to bully your poor gate man to open the gate. You have however given him specific instruction not to let THOSE PEOPLE in again. It’s war. So they call you, you go to meet them and the AEDC people try to intimidate you into opening the gate, for them to check what you don't know as there is no prepaid meter.  They promise to come back another day for more action if you don't show them your bill. Bill you have paid oh, so you relent and show them.                                   The next month they bring a new bill and somehow, with the same amount of light they give you, you have managed to use triple the amount of power you used the previous month.  That first wave of hopelessness is felt before the anger sets i...

Remember That You Will Die

Memento Mori; Remember that you will die, or as the  millennials put it YOLO (you only live once).                                 This saying was to remind humans of the vain nature of  life and earthly things, but going beyond this it's also a reminder that our time here is brief and we get this chance once, so what are we doing to live our  lives as best as we can today. We are constantly bugged down with things and things we want to do that make us forget the important stuff, sometime we are bugged down by fear that stops us from taking chances on our selves or those around us. Don't buy a house now till you are married, or start that business you have wanted to start, or take the chance on that guy or girl, give to the needy, help a friend out, whatever it is you want to do to make your life fuller and  happier. All of us have the feeling that we ar...