Woman March 2: Ashewo

   

She stared down at her shoes, her heart thumping. She didn't want to go inside; she knew everybody had seen the picture Luke took of her. No one said it to her face, but she knew in their hearts, they called her Ashewo.

Such a disgusting name.

She wasn't ashamed of what she did with him; she was just ashamed that it he hadn't kept silent. 

She was not a bad girl; she didn't sleep with men for money, material things or favours. She just let her body and feelings take control and spent one night with a boy she really liked and had a crush on, thinking he was matured. He took pictures without her knowledge or consent and he showed his boys her picture, now she was the girl that was called ‘Ashewo’ in quiet places.

She was not the first girl this was happening to; even the girls that slept with married men were calling her names. Like her Aunty said "no be who dey do bad thing, na who carry belle" She tried not to be shamed for something she did with another person and he gets to ridicule her and gets to walk away with no cares.

She wasn't going to let people chase her from here. She will wear her "scarlet A" with as much pride as she could muster.

At the turn of the New Year, I read a Facebook status that said "If Ashewo is still the only abuse you can come up with for me, You lack imagination. So please think of something new for me for the new year," 

I like those words.

There are very few Nigerian women that have not been called Ashewo in one form or another from Akunakuna, Whore, slut  and all its synonyms in popular slang, English or local dialect.

Who is a slut anyway?

dictionary.cambridge.org defines this word as "a woman who has sexual relationships with a lot of men without any emotional involvement"

My thoughts are how come we don't have a male version because most men are sluts if you replace woman with man.

People tend to use a women's sexuality as thing to keep her in line. Be like this but don't be like; Be sexy but not sexual. This so that, by the time they shout Slut or Ashawo you are meant to go back home and think about your life. The irony of this whole thing is that the Women who are actually prostitutes (because in this case and in most cases these words are interchangeable) in one way shape or form don't even care what you call them, they embrace their work with pride. It’s their means of livelihood. 

Why have we given these names such power? Used it to control women and keep them in line. When will we stop seeing women as the space between their legs and as full humans with something more to provide?

Take for instance the way this prostitute word follows popular women if you are successful and people don't like it and feel threatened, if your money is too much, the next thing you hear is people inferring how you have slept with this and that so that you can buy your car, build your house, get that contract or rise quickly in your organization.

A society where grown women are advised not to buy a car or a house so people don't think you slept around for your money. They advise you that these chase away potential suitors.

For us women; we need to understand that we do not need to see ourselves as sexual objects. You do not need sexual attention constantly to make yourself whole. You are whole because of you, that is your factory setting.

Whole, functional Human Being with dreams and aspirations, goals and being successful in any endeavour you undertake.

Don’t think of yourself as an object of commercial value or pleasure. You do not need others to treat you as a sexual object, so have some kind of power so you  then claim you are free. It is your body, your temple. Treat it accordingly. So do not take it when someone calls you Ashewo. You are no Slut.

If they say it, ask them if the sex wasn’t a two way street, if they paid money to sleep with you and always remind them that they are still boys and need to grow up as you have realised your error in thinking you were dealing with a man.

You are nobody's toy.

💛💓