Lets Talk About Love

                           

My 'let's talk about sex' post is one of the most popular on the blog. It's lovely to see how so many people share such a similar opinion when it comes to sex. Before you go ahead to read this, I am aware that there are different kinds of love, like that of a parent and the child, or best friends or siblings. That kind of love we have for God or Family is not the kind that I am discussing here. Here I am looking at the possible distortion of the erotic kind of love, the kind that's usually found in relationships of the opposite sex,  what is called Eros.  Now let's see about that Love.

What is love anyway?

Millions of movies, songs, books and poems have been written to express love yet humanity is still in awe of this big emotion. Love the word was probably invented when man found a way to communicate with language, before that I bet they were cues people looked out for or we just went ahead and did it like animals, with the woman going with the best mate (the strongest and brightest).  I am sitting here trying to imagine the conversation between the cave man and his cave woman. Maybe they smelt each other's armpits and the woman thought "this creature is appropriate, he  can protect and feed me, while we mate and have offspring"  and the man thought "finally someone not as horrible looking as me, that I can mate with" and they were good to go.

As time moved on and humans evolved,  the responsibilities that we placed on love have slowly gone out of whack. A person with serious issues uses the person they claim to love as a crotch and excuse and a reason; "You were meant to be this and that," "make me feel good about myself at all times and always agree with me."

We have made it about so many different things for our benefit. The power in the words "I Love you"  between two people that are together sometimes proves to be the measure for the shift in power in that interaction.  It is because of this distortion of the love word that so many things have happened. People have tried to make other people do things putting love as the reason why they should do these things and imply "you will do this if you love me."

So as a self respecting researcher  I went straight to Google and typed in 'the science of love' and here is the break down or what i got;

 Ali Meets Simi Ali Thinks I can totally get on top of that and Simi similarly thinks I can totally get on top of that this is the oestrogen and testosterone stage. 

                                                                                          

Then Ali and Simi Start talking and texting and having drinks together. Simi seems to find a way to insert Ali into all her conversations her friends can no longer stand that after a while but they put up with her, after all they love her right? At this stage Adrenaline make it so that when Simi walks in a room Ali has palpitations, his heart beats fast and his palms sweat, Simi on the other hand has dry mouth and butterflies in her tummy. Dopamine a chemical messenger used by the brain to send messages floods your brain and the 'stalkerish' tendencies  emerge(lol) here you can't eat or sleep until you have had a dose of baby boy or baby girl (note that scientists liken the effects of dopamine to taking cocaine thus the words 'your love dey make me high'). Serotonin this may cause Simi and Ali to think of each other at all times. 

                       

This second stage is also the stage where Simi cannot find anything wrong with Ali even the way he is rude to the waiter or to her friend who he feels are not suited for her. This is Where Ali explains away Simi's tendency to be shrewish when she cannot get her way. In a nutshell, it's the rose tinted stage. The both need this to become attached.

The last stage is the attachment stage. Here oxytocin aka cuddle hormone that is released during orgasm (you better make sure it happens) causes the couple to feel much closer. This is the hormone that causes breastfeeding mothers to leak milk at the sight of their babies. Another hormone vasopressin is a big deal in the long term commitment stage and its released after sex too, so imagine the amount of hormones Simi and Ali have flowing around.  To read the source blog click here

At the beginning stage, all is well and good,  but we can't expect to have adrenaline and all the other hormones flowing forever, after awhile I bet all that early stage stuff stops. This is the point where we need to work on our relationships, actually use our mind without the help of chemicals to concentrate on the great characters of our partners so we can stay attracted to them.

So after all the science it all comes down to a decision. I decide to love you when I stay committed to you. when I do what I am supposed to do for you. Love is not just a spontaneous thing, after a while it become a conscious decision on our parts to do right by the ones we love. All the talk of 'I no longer feel the way I used to' is normal and is actually expected to happen, but people stay married for  full life times and are happy. This involves giving of oneself to another and hoping the person has enough of the other things that matter like forgiveness, patience, consideration and respect to watch your back.

Love is not selfish.

XO.

Ps: For some of the funniest and insightful memes and cards check this Link out.